Counting Down to Mommihood

I don't even know where to start, waking up with this mixed feeling. 

Dear God, thank you for such precious gift. It was a long yet journey so short for past few months. THREE! Three more days till we meet soon, my lil pumpkin fighter. Let mommy save this special milestones down to reminisce in coming days.

     In the morning of 27th Sept 2015, on this fateful Sunday morning, I held out the pregnancy kit with shivering fingers and racing heartbeat, running through the urine test. That one two minutes of waiting seems like years. I could feel my heart palpitations. It showed double bands, it was positive my dear. Tears rolled down immediately. That moment was a sensation that no words could ever ever described. It was a huge moment for me take in. Overwhelmed in feelings. Of unspoken joy, dilemma, uncertainties, warmth with unending touches at heart. Moments later, your daddy walked into the bathroom and held the positive shown kit on his hand and calling out to me "Babe, you are pregnant!" in half-trembling tone. I will always remember that joy and happiness striking on his face. Holding my hands, babe told me we are going to be dad and mom soon. Taking me out for a vegetarian lunch to celebrate this eventful special day, he looked at me and said "This is the best thing that ever happened to me and you are the one that helped me to make this come true" I could see the delights and gratitude through his eyes. It warmed my heart, for I know one thing . . . He is ready. That night, was the first time he cooked a full dinner for me and baby. 

"Our fateful journey began since then"

    On the 1st Oct 2015, marked the first time we ever met our lil pumpkin with that small gestational sac floating inside me through my first baby scan. It was approximately 5th week. We were so excited and yet worried. It was still too small and early to call for stability. Hormonal hCG test was done and gotta wait for couple of days for our gynae to confirm on the pregnancy stability with us. We called out to God and prayed for the best for our lil baby. Few days later, on one early morning, Dr Jaspal called up It was a good news and that was the very first congratulatory message we received :) We were both overwhelmed with joy and we know baby is a fighter. Indeed. Minutes later, both of us called up our mom to extend this good big news. Daddy was very anxious and caring most of the time. He got up early preparing for healthy breakfast most of the days :) Hope days like this will last forever Hehe.

    8th Oct 2015. This is a remarkable day for me. Approximately 6th week. Baby's heart has formed and we could see first foetus figure through the scan. This is the day I heard my baby's heartbeat for the very first time. Tears of joy welled up in my eyes, hearing the fast loud pounding heartbeat. That moment reminded me we have created a life, it was touchingly amazing. We were told the EDD would be around 28th May. 

    29th Oct 2015. It was the 10th week. We managed to see her tiny legs and hands moving around. Really adorable! I remember how excited I was.

    6th Nov 2015. It was the 11th week. Gynae performed a Nuchal Fold test on down syndrome and other abnormalities test through scanning and blood test. It was another special day for us. Why??? We saw baby's facial features for the first time! Daddy said "high nose, has my nose! Haha. I can see her cute little hand. Today marked the first family photo of ours, with our baby's scan :)

    Weeks and weeks passed. It was quite a roller coaster ride for me and baby. I have been travelling heavily, flying from Kl to Melbourne back and forth, and also my hometown Sibu. We both fight through time after time. Mommy knew you are a fighter :) You are my inspiration.

     2nd Jan 2016. 19th week. It's a girl :) We are going to have a daughter! Our baby's girl's name was found. Laurenn Shee will be her gracious name. Daddy trying to figure out her chinese name. We both settled with "Ruo En". That is also symbolised through her english name 'Laur-enn'. We were both really excited and contented with it. And then on, she has a name! We told parents and siblings and started to call her by name. Hoping she will respond or react to the calling of her name upon birth Hehe :) At around week 20th week, I could feel her movement inside tummy. Small gentle kicks, sometimes like a floating movement. Totally amazing! It was indeed a new year for me, for us.

     12th Jan 2016. This is the 21st week. She weighed 500g by now. I could see her long limbs, feet and finger moving around. Showing off her flexibility :) Both baby and me flying back to KL this week to meet daddy, and start adapting this pregnancy life in Desa Parkcity home. Daddy cooked for us most of the time. Simple healthy dinner with his own creative recipe, most importantly with passion and love for us. 

      On week 26th, 15th Feb 2016. Dr Jaspal informed us that the placenta was at a much lower position comparing to normal pregnancy. We only keep praying for the best for both mommy and baby. From 32th weeks onward, we have changed to a new gynae, Dr Aldrin Lie at Tropicana MC. I like him and feel quite comfortable with him on the first visit and we've both decided to have my labour there in his hand. Our baby girl weighed 2kg on her 32th week and 2.4kg on the 34th week. By then, Dr Aldrin has classified my condition as placenta previa complication. He has advised us on all the unforeseen circumstances and complication during later stage of pregnancy and labour such as bleeding, pre-term labour and also procedure like blood transfusion at much needed emergency. We were made aware of all these complication to get emotionally prepared. I prayed nightly for strength from God. Strengthen me physically and emotionally. I talked to my baby girl days and nights to fight through this with mommy and to be stronger. At 34th week, I agreed to get a corticosteroid injection, which was administered in 2 separate at 6mg each time within 24 hours. That injection was nothing like usual, it was no kidding! For baby, I endured the burning pain that I could feel passing through my muscle tissues into my bloodstream. That was the least I could do to make sure she will be in her best condition and I knew that was something I must do for her. This jab would boost up her lungs development and prepped her well in any undesirable circumstances of emergency early birth. At that moment, I realized what is a SACRIFICE OF A MOM. I believe my own mom has sacrificed much more for me in the entire time of bringing me up till this day. That is a true love that's non-replaceable. 

     28th April 2016. It was her 36th week. This was the last day for gynae checkup and also marked the last week of this entire pregnancy medical visit. Where has time gone? In a spur of moments, this pregnancy journey has came to and end. It also marked a new beginning very very soon. The last past months were the sailing moments of both me and daddy getting ready prepping with baby stuffs. It was both tiring yet enjoyable with excitement at times. It was a warm pleasure. From choosing the baby cot, baby seat, getting bed quilt set, and getting ready of all small little tools. My lil pumpkin, mommy and grandma had made a personalised handmade baby quilt for you, with huge love and passion. Daddy had touched up your baby cot to make it looks like a brand new cot, in sweats and with enormous efforts and this showed his deep love for you. We were anticipating for your arrival with so much love and passion.

      On the 6th April 2016, Puiyiyi has given a heartwarming surprise Baby Shower for us, together with Uncle Joon and mommy's cousin, held at a private dining @Ploy Damansara Heights. She has put in a huge dedicated amount of efforts in organising with the lavishly-design venue, the pastel victorian yet avant-garde decor and specially-made best red velvet in marshmallow fondant cake that mommy has put so much weight on. It was a truly special night, emotionally for mommy and closed ones in receiving your coming. Puiyiyi also bought nearly a whole wardrobe of new clothes, soft toys, accessories and tools for you and mommy, awaiting your arrival. They are extremely adorable! Big yiyi and grandma have both prepared and bought a lot of clothes and newborn accessories for you too. Grandma and grandpa have spent a huge efforts and time in prepping for mommy's confinement food and necessities, they are the best parents ever. I felt really heartwarmingly touched with gratitude. Their unconditional loves are the best role model for mommy in stepping into this motherhood. 

      We are all awaiting for your arrival. Daddy Mommy and all of us love you so much. We fell in love with you even before we met you. Three more days my lil pumpkin! Mommy prays for God to bless you with a healthy being, a beautiful heart and beautiful soul. You are a fighter, you are mommy's inspiration and I know you will be an inspiration. Let's count down the very next few days into mommihood for me, and a blank new page for your inspiring and fulfilling life :) Mommy will hold your heart dearly till death do us apart. Let the three of us start building our little family together, hand in hand in the grace and faith of GOD. 

      'I am committed to you before I even meet you. I will always have your back, Laurenn my daughter. Love and Hugs'

Wondrous and Eventful 2015

As moments came closer to waving goodbye to 2015, I would like to drop a few words as a remembrance of this wondrous year. Had been years since I very last blogged. It has been an ups and down eventful year for me to close the last chapter of this year. The biggest moments had taken place in this year for me, Keith and my family. As Keith said earlier this year, let's end this year with a bang  and haha, indeed a Big Bang my dear. We've been together for 1 year 3.5 months now. I had an amazing yet sophisticated moments with him throughout 2015. We've done a fair bit of travelling, Bangkok for Songkran, HongKong and Shenzen, Melbourne, around Kuching and Sibu too. House-moving to Desa Parkcity was a part of the event too. The biggest day of all, we have tied the knot in December the Sixth in Elmswood Vineyard Estate, Victoria in a meaningful manner, witnessed by closest family members and family. Followed by a beautiful dinner reception in Sibu my hometown with the rest of the relatives and some closed friends. Was blessed. The truest blessing of all, I must thank God for this little wonderful gift granted for me and Keith, my precious peanut inside me. It's amazingly speechless. The first time, that very moment I heard her/his heartbeat, I could feel tears of joy welling up. A moment too beautiful. I once said I wish to have a baby and get married before turning 33. Haha it seems that it's happening. I Thank God for all the blessings for this little family of ours. This is one of the most marvellous and miraculous moments that has happened to me in this life. I pray and wish for a continuous blessed family, with good health and beautiful days in the faith of God. Shower my little family and my parental family with all the love, joy and peace in the world, hurdle through all hurricanes with us and hold our hearts dearly in God's love. Thank you For Year 2015. See you soon 2016.

Birthday at home Haven

I've turned Thirty-One today :) What a new number...hmm. It's a quiet, peaceful and warm birthday spent with dad and mom and the two little munchkins. Looking back...it has been 13 years since I last  celebrated my birthday at my home haven, the nest that I've grown up at. Having it the old traditional way which mom will prepare mee suah soup with drumstick and 2 eggs for lunch :) Well...a long 13 years for another big bowl of birthday tradition is simply magnificent for me today. Being able to spend it with dad & mom is also a simple happiness, for they are the one whom brought me into life into this world. My two munchkins Daryl & Braydon who blow the cake with me and cut the cake happily together with me :) ...it was simply sweet and joyful. I feel peaceful and loved. Whole of today....I'm telling myself, Life could be this simple, this contented yet filled with happiness and love :) Endless learning along this journey and more to come ahead. I believe this day 31 years ago was as meaningful as it is today and many many more years along the journey. My biggest wish is to see my dad and mom staying healthy always and seeing LaPearl, my brainchild to keep growing towards the light of fame, and to continue my vision....to give happiness to all the loving couples in opening their door of marriage, to give love to all those in my good hands. "Love is only love when you give it away"

A Day That Changes Begin

Today, I experienced a swift of tsunami falling onto my life. It was an undescribable feeling, total loss of words...but I keep telling myself that everything happened for its own reason on God's will. I do not know how to get it solved, neither how to prevent it from falling apart. It was a point whereby everything was at its lowest dot on life's chart. The only thing my heart could tell me is...keep praying and hoping God could answer my deep prayers. I realized there were loads of mistakes, loads of misunderstanding and breakdown in communication that have taken place over the past years, everywhere and anytime along the journey...may it be my own journey or others. Then, the prices to pay are unbearable. There are too many innocent beings involved...the closest ones who care so much, some are their next generation and also the elders who have sacrificed their whole life. I have made enough stands throughout this journey of life, in fighting for things I really want and things I really want for others, to make their world a better place to live in. However, it was so limiting and tight at hands on what I can do.


I feel sorry for all that have taken place. Past was a bygone, but it was full of memories in my mind, heart and soul. There are alot of unanswered and unsolved queries in mind, but guess it was the day I realized how I should put all these stubborness and expectations aside, simply because it really doesn't matter anymore. Sometimes, no matter how deep our love might be, we just couldn't find and reach that point of understanding and balance. Two persons who are seriously in love simply couldn't reach the same channel and the huge gap in communication has changed what you really want in life. That's when real disappointment, sadness, pain, devastation, vunerability and distrust set in and destroying the result we really really wanna see and feel. Sometimes, to think over it deeper, the person could have already made a huge impact and difference in our life, but it was so fated that we couldn't share the same journey together and by letting go, it willl be the best choice for both. It was miserable and real heartache to do so, but then again, there isn't any better choice....is there? I always believe in giving it a go with 100%. . . . but what if, it was already more than my whole heart could ever give and still, the same disappointment sets in? That is when I learn to surrender. And it was at this moment that I feel a great surge of gratitude in the love that I have received and in the kindness and sincerity of your heart. Thanks for the love. Sorry for all those unwanted pasts. I believe whatever that happened along our journey, it happened for a reason on God's will . . . . for all these help in growing and shaping us up more maturely and stronger.

I know in my heart, for every sunset, there is a new sunrise. Changes begin when I choose to think, to see and to feel differently. It's never too late to learn and I am learning to make a difference at every moment that passed me by. "Love is love when you give it away" . . . I will keep you and your love deep in my heart.

LaPearl Weddings

It's wonderful...in taking the first step to pursue my dream today, It is the birthday of LaPearl Weddings!! I know....there are a whole lot of unknowns in front of me right now. But, to brainstorm, to plan and to make-it-happen will be another whole lot of fun, challenges and excitement. How does LaPearl came about? Haha. There was this night, a peaceful nite while both me and my sis were enjoying our foot reflexology and my mind was urging for a name for my to-be-born baby. I told her...come on, I want to name it by tonite and this will be a nite to remember coz One Day in future, I will tell the story of the founder of "LaPearl" to people out there :) Pearl is my lucky stones and in my eyes, it was one of the icon in the Victorian era and La~stands for lavish. I wanna especially thank my sis and dear for making this come true for me, with the supports, encouragements and loads of ideas brainstorming session. I am so looking forward for what lies ahead for LaPearl now ! I am so wishing LaPearl full of prosperity, value and fame with undying hope and faith :)

Voice From Within

The voice from within me...called out as TRUST. What is trust...How to trust...What does it takes to trust? It evolves from faith, confidence, reliance and dependence OR from either way. Trust speaks out loud as it denotes the feeling of Certainty that a person or thing will not fail, that implies depth and assurance in feeling. Faith, something that we can't live without...connotes unquestioning, often emotionally charged belief. It is like planting a seed that require your dedication to shower it with love, care and devotion day by day and holding onto a belief so strong that u know it will blossom fruitfully one day. Confidence...it frequently implies stronger ground for assurance. It only shows up on you when you possess it deep from within. Reliance...connotes a confident and trustful commitment to another. I hear my thoughts and my voice wondering, to whom shall I lay this on? In simple English I wanna hear my own voice from within...at times, I feel painful waves of disappointment and agony. Why does betrayal in trust takes place? We often say, speaking from yourself, looking at the responsible version rather than victimised yourself. BUT, to tell the painful truth, there are times whereby you have no idea what role you played that caused the incident. I often asked GOD from above, it seems like he has never cease testing my strength and endurance BUT neither has he able to break me apart. That's the Beauty of faith. Believing in something or someone could be a painstaking part in life, but it can also be a moment which you discover who you can be for yourself, and for many around you. I pray that the best will soon shower my family in the brightest sunshines ever......

Entrancing into 2011 with Sparkles

Awaiting to bid farewell to year 2010 wiv ah Dear & the heavy crowds @ Curve now makes me realize how much I had experienced throughout the year and how many precious people I have met, those which have made lotsa huge difference in my days ever since. Okay, very much pleased with my year. I have what I had :)

What's Next is the big question ya!
2011 New Year Resolution, outta too many:
1. Swim like a mermaid (kekeke!)
2. Play Violin (childhood dream!)
3. Make my 3rd trip to Europe! I dun care where to!!
4. Win TOTO! I dun care how $!!
5. Achieve my KPI wiv stretching results in BD
6. Dun age & becoming Prettier and Slimmer (kekeke!)
7. Have more fun in My Way!

Yup, Forgiveness is the kindness of love and to forgive own self & others bring us to the next level of integrity. Orite, let's move on and the first step into Year 2011 is Love Myself beautifully :) Fireworks, I'm waiting...so fantasize me into the world of 2011.

The Kindness of Loving

It has been ages since my last post...with all the new changes ever since I walked out from LP in April. The job changes due to my Out-of-the-Comfort-zone moments has a lot of impact in my past few months journey. What lies ahead is yet unknown..??

What am I gonna write about at this hour...? I'm in the thought of love, on my own love relationship, with my heart & my spirit. It has been some time since I last felt I have given unconditionally. Today, I felt the human touch again from a loving couple with their sacred love to their little boy, and there I went...once again, being the giver to people who deserve my giving. None of us has the power to make someone else love us. But we all have the power to give away love, to love others. And if we do so, we change the kind of person we are,and we change the kind of world we live in.

Love to me is...Being kind to myself in moments of stress. When the stresses of life sets in, take a moment & do something kind to myself. Take a bubble bath, MUST comes with lavender aroma and take a long warm soak. Put on my favourite music. Take a much-needed nap. Being kind to ourselves will open our heart and mind again to the doors of possibility and the solutions to problems..I believe. To love yourself, is also to become a possibilitarian. No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities-always see them,for they are always there. Tonite I've also realized & understand that another kind of love is...Guiding others to grow at their pace. Every single individual is different. Guiding & teaching others, whether they are your children, colleagues or partner, is for the purpose of encouraging growth. Allow them the freedom of growing at their own pace - their knowledge will be better absorbed & rejection is unlikely to arise. Being the controller me, this is a great learning. At times, learn to slow down and look out for others that are not at the same pace, look out for things that I could have missed out along the journey.

I believe Love is attending to our inner call for peace. To live on this belief, I must try to make time for solitude. To seek ways to restore peace in myself - a slow walk in the park, a 'leechless' jungle trail walk, meditation while connecting to the nature spiritually will probably be my option. For my own growth as a typical controller, I shall learn to be present to the quiet mind & peaceful heart which then later, practice & recognise that feeling and bring it up in time of stresses. To the next level of wisdom..I shall give in to myself.

"The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good. Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of Wisdom"

-James Allen-